A Year of Guitar

Springsteen sings "I got this guitar and I learned how to make it talk." Well, I got a guitar, too, but I think I gave it a speech impediment. Either that or I mistakenly taught it a language that I don't understand.

But after a year with the guitar, I'm slowly breaking through the language barrier. I really love playing and am looking forward to moving forward. I'm pleased that I challenged myself with this and I'm semi-impressed with how far I've come. I can play a few songs that a casual listener might be able to recognize, despite the plodding pace and multiple errors and start-overs. (Hint: if for some reason you want to hear me play, suggest "Dead Flowers" or "Smoke on the Water.")

Still, I can't help but think about that Will Hodgkinson guy and how he started from the ground floor and was proficient enough to play a show six months later. I keep thinking that should be me. Also, I'm petty enough to keep hoping that Will Hodgkinson will somehow be exposed as a fraud who was already a skilled guitarist and made up the whole story just to get a book deal.

My original plan for this blog was to chronicle my first year of guitar but since I've got the Telecaster now, that should give me plenty of material to carry on a bit longer. I'll continue with the acoustic, too. Just don't expect any audio of my playing. The world still isn't ready for that. And as I've mentioned before, when I say I play badly, I'm not being modest or funny.

Anyhow, below are a few thoughts and impressions from the past year, all from a beginner's perspective. The last one is probably the most important.

* There's an old saying, usually attributed to Woody Guthrie (right), that you only need three chords and anything beyond that is showing off. That's really true. I was surprised to see the simplicity of the structure of so many songs.

* The G chord is my favorite. Whenever I pick up the guitar, my left hand instinctively goes straight for it and doesn't want to let go until I've played it several

times. I guess that's because the G was the first chord I learned.

* For some reason, my playing is more crisp and precise in the morning. I have no idea why this is so.

* I was about ready to chunk the guitar and switch to chess back in January simply because of the F chord, the nemesis of every beginning guitarist. It seemed impossible at the time and I'm still pretty awkward with it. Someone wiser than me did show me a little sound-alike shortcut, however, that looks like that diagram on the right. The A chord still can give me trouble, too. Squeezing three fingertips into one fret one on top of another is like putting a size 12 foot in a size 9 shoe.

* For me, watching the fingers of an accomplished guitarist is like watching a magic act. It's almost hypnotic and I sometimes find I'm not even hearing the music when I focus on the fingers.

* Why didn't I start this when I was a teenager? Back when my muscles could still remember things?

* Despite not making as much progress and I'd expected, I'm still on pace to make my debut on "Austin City Limits" in 2029.

* I'm proud to say that I know five kinds of D. The Dsus4 and Dsus2 sound the prettiest together, like in the chorus of "Dead Flowers."

* The great thing about "Louie, Louie" is that no matter how sloppy you play it, it still sounds right. Plus, it couldn't be easier -- just A, D, E, D as many times as necessary.

* Despite what you may have heard, I did not start the guitar just to get chicks.

* I still don't understand how someone can listen to a song and figure out the chords. I just don't -- and never will -- have the ear for that.

* As long as I have a guitar, I will never be bored.

Hammer of the Honky-Tonk Gods

That's how Bill Kirchen describes the Telecaster in "Hammer of the Honky-Tonk Gods," his tribute song to his favorite guitar. The legend is that Kirchen acquired his first Telecaster by giving up a Gibson in a straight-up trade with a stranger he met on a bus. He used it to provide the major twang for Commander Cody and His Lost Planet Airmen, who back in the '70s came up with a blend of rockabilly, blues, rock 'n' roll, country, Western swing and truck-driving songs that made them very popular in Austin (see/hear: "Live From Deep in the Heart of Texas," recorded at the Armadillo World Headquarters").

What makes a Telecaster so special? Here's what Kirchen said in a 2007 interview:

"One, it's a design that's remained virtually unchanged since it was invented in the late '40s, early '50s, so it's over a half century old and it's still just about how it started. So, it's one of those things they got right the first time.

"In a way it's kind of the bicycle of guitars, too. It's the most efficient way of getting from point A to point B. It was, in its day, an inexpensive guitar. Not a lot of frills ... To me, it's got this kind of working man's vibe to it."

And so Kirchen, who went to high school with Iggy Pop and Bob Seger back in Michigan, wrote a love song to his guitar that starts out like this:

Well, they put six strings on a maple stick, stuck it on a slab of ash
Sold one to Luther, threw in a pick, sent him out with Johnny Cash
Now, could Leo Fender and the gang have known
Back at the factory in Fuller-ton
That the honk and twang of the Telecaster tone would outlast 'em everyone.

He goes on to cite lots of famous Tele players like Muddy Waters, Keith Richards, Waylon, et al. Maybe he'll write a sequel so I'd like to point out that there are a lot of words that rhyme with my last name.

Merry Christmas to Me

Why, it's as if Santa knew exactly what I wanted for Christmas! A shiny red electrical-powered guitar!

Actually, I found it on eBay for a reasonable price earlier this month and a few well-heeled patrons of the arts (that would be my wife and parents) subsidized it and put it under the tree for me. When I cut my first album, you can be sure they will receive bountiful thanks in the acknowledgements section of the liner notes.

This is a Fender Telecaster, the guitar that won the West. Rock 'n' roll wouldn't have been the same without it and its cousin, the Stratocaster. I feel privileged just to plug an amp chord in it.

This particular model is made in Mexico, meaning it's not one of your top-of-the-line, four-figure Telecasters, which is fine since I'm not exactly a top-of-the-line player. I got a little 10-watt practice amp for it and took it in for a tune-up at the Chuck Levin shop. This guitar is scratch- and ding-free and doesn't appear to have been played much. The pick guard still had a layer of protective plastic film on it, although some of the pick guard screws looked a little rusty.

Some people think Telecasters are unsightly, unsophisticated and outdated. But if a Telecaster's good enough for Keith Richards, Muddy Waters, Bruce Springsteen, Joe Strummer, Albert Collins (on the left), Merle Haggard, Waylon Jennings, Buck Owens and Roy Buchanan, I have to believe it's good enough for me.

Jimmy Page, Jeff Beck, Bob Dylan, Robbie Robertson, Eric Clapton, George Harrison, Tom Petty and James McMurtry also did significant work on Telecasters. Legendary sidemen like Steve Cropper, Albert Lee, James Burton and G.E. Smith played them, as did Danny Gatton, who Rolling Stone once called the world's greatest unknown guitarist. Even Willie Nelson has been photographed playing a Tele.

So don't be turning up your nose at a Telecaster, even if it's not the sleekest, hippest looking guitar out there. That switch plate is the guitar equivalent of rumble seat and the big square silver dish holding the bridge looks like a cookie sheet from Barbie's dream house. But that's the way the Telecaster has looked since Fender started making them in the early '50s. As the saying goes, "Leo got it right the first time." It's simple -- two pickups and a three-way switch that allows you to choose one pickup or the other, or both, depending on how much rumble you want in your sound.

So now I have two guitars I can barely play. But that's not the point. I usually don't have a point but, if pressed, I would have to say that the point is that I have doubled my guitar fun.

I hope your Christmas was a merry one, too.

Guitar Nightmare

I haven't been consciously obsessed or tortured by the little ding I put in the Alvarez a few days ago but this morning I had a dream that was no doubt inspired by it.

In the dream I had put the guitar in its case and loaded it into the back of the car, along with lots of groceries. When I took it out later, the groceries had spilled over the case and the lower right quarter of the guitar's top was completely scarred. It looked like a car had run over it. The binding also had come loose and there were several deep cuts around the pickguard. I flipped it over and saw that the back wasn't really wood. It was cardboard -- soggy, torn cardboard.

I think my dream was trying to warn me not to mix guitars and groceries.

Virtual Luthier

If you want to design your own electric guitar, check out this site.

It's just a demo for $17 program so some of the options are limited. There's only one body type on the demo but 21 on the full program but still the demo gives you umpteen combinations of headstocks, fret inlays, bridges, pickups, knobs and switches, stencils and tuners to choose from.

I named the one above Striped Thunder (that's pronounced stri-PED with the accent on the second syllable) and the one below is the PaLG-sponsored model.

After making your guitar, go here and design your picks.

Happy Guitar Birthday

For me, some days with the guitar are much better than others and today was one of the good ones. Very good even. The fingers just seemed to know where to go without tripping over each other.

I was mostly working on the Stones' country-slanted material -- "Dead Flowers," "Sweet Virginia," and "Country Honk," plus Merle's "Mama Tried." Also, another song I really like, "Long Black Veil," which is appropriately slow for a beginner and a very cool traditional song on top of that.

I think the reason I was playing so well is that today is Keith Richards' birthday and everybody just naturally plays better on Keith Richards' birthday.

For the record, Keith turned 143 years old today.

Scattershots

How's that for a manicurist's nightmare?

I'm starting to wonder if it's possible to overdo the callouses on the fingertips. I've always been very proud of them, even if I can no longer pick up a dime from the floor with my left hand. But lately they've grown so thick that they're starting to peel and sometimes they get snagged on the strings in chord changes. Guess I'll have to file them down ...

We went to New York during Thanksgiving and I made my pilgrimmage to Guitar Row on West 48th Street. It was a quick stop but I have to say I came away not all that impressed. Manny's and Sam Ash's weren't that much different from Chuck Levin's or any other well-stocked guitar store ...

If you just heard a cry of anguish in the past half hour, followed by a burst of multi-syllable curse words and then prolonged deep sobbing, it was me. I put my first ding in the Alvarez. I was taking it off the stand and banged it against a corner of the desk. It looks like a little crater and the really bad thing is it's on the left side -- right where I'll see it every time I play it. I know these things happen but the first is the worst.

Spare Parts

The Alvarez is back from the shop, having been expertly repaired by the Chuck Levin staff. There should be no lingering bad effects, except those that I create myself. Thanks for all the get-well cards ...

I always play sitting down but today I decided to stand and use a strap -- just because I happen to have a couple of nice ones that were given to me as gifts but never get used. Now, this would be a revelation only to a greenhorn like me but, man, the guitar is an entirely different instrument when you're standing up. I had to cinch it way, way up high so I could lean over the body and keep an eye on the strings.

In a frank admission, I will reveal that yes, I did indeed go over to the full-length mirror to see how I looked wearing a guitar. I guess it's sort of nerdy to have your chin resting on the body; not very rock star at all ...

That guitar on the right is not broken. It's called a Centerfold, designed by an airline pilot and made by Devillian, a Swedish company. It's billed as the ultimate in guitar portability and you don't even have to take off the strings when you fold it. Supposedly this folding process won't even knock it out of tune. It costs about $3,400 ...

There are a couple of new sidebar items on the right side that will greatly enhance the blog-reading experience for the tens of thousands of people who end up here after Googling eddie van halen bathroom. One is a list of music-related books I've read this year and the other is a little jukebox that will play some blues masters. Believe me, you'd rather listen to them than me.

Alvarez on the DL, Washburn Called Up to Majors

The empty guitar stand was a very lonely sight today. The Alvarez is going to be in the shop until next week, getting its broken brace repaired.

The repairman at Chuck Levin's was a super-guitar geek -- and I mean that in the best possible way. Geek as in extremely well informed in his chosen field. Just listening to him talk to other customers inspired confidence. He was a bit puzzled, though, as to how the brace split since I told him no one had dropped the guitar, sat on it or otherwise traumatized it. It's been pretty chilly here lately so he said it might be a case of air from the heater -- the acoustic guitar's natural enemy -- drying it out.

He said the repair job would be simple and cheap -- 20 bucks, a clamp, some glue and 72 hours for the glue to set.

Fortunately, my daughter has granted me access to her Washburn to use while it's in the shop. I haven't been granted full access, however, since I'm under orders not to play it in the morning until she's left for school.

Paging Dr. Guitar, Paging Dr. Guitar

I'm going to have to make a trip to the guitar hospital.

I thought I had noticed some buzzing from the Alvarez lately but figured it was almost certainly the player's fault, not the guitar's. But today I noticed there's a substantial crack in one of the braces on the top side of the sound hole (X marks the spot in the picture above). I'm still not sure the crack is the source of the buzzing but I'll blame it on that.

I have no idea what could have caused the crack but since I've had the guitar less than a year, I'm a little displeased. It looks like something that can be fixed fairly easily with a clamp and some glue but I'd like to take it to a pro to make sure the job is done right (maybe I can learn something in the process, too).

Chuck Levin's does repairs so I'll head there tomorrow.

Random iPodities

The year's final ramble through the iPod gives us:

• 'Funky Broadway,' Wilson Pickett
• 'No Sex,' Alex Chilton
• 'I Declare,' Lee Roy Parnell
• 'All These Years,' Ray Wylie Hubbard
• 'Would It Make Any Difference,' Etta James
• 'That Could Have Been Me,' Tonio K
• 'Invitation to the Blues,' Tom Waits
• 'Rave On,' Buddy Holly
• 'Boom Boom Mancini' (live), Warren Zevon
• 'Old Folks Boogie,' Little Feat
• 'Little Sister,' Dwight Yoakam
• 'Country Joe,' Root Boy Slim
• 'I'll Be There,' Doug Sahm